I guess everything will eventually come full circle.  it usually does but I was kind of hoping to avoid a few things along the way.  No such luck.  Lindsay has to face the music, as always.

Things are starting to calm down, and by things, I mean me.  iive ben talking less, and it has shown in my eye color.  (LOONG STORY.)

I've just been observing the way people act around me and things like that.  (I got the idea from a friend.)  So people have wondered what was wrong with me.
Maybe eventually they'll get used to my new-found solidarity. 

Of course, that immediately changed after school, when I was walking with Courtney.  She is just too, bubbly to avoid talking to.  Because I was in some sort of detached state from my body or something like that, I kind of felt myself making motions with my hands and chatting animatedly, but it wasn't really me.  It was like someone else instead.

Maybe you guys will understand what I'm trying to say without me actually telling you.

But anyways, I could see everything.  Like how the grass was this tan shade and how the gravel is so littered with broken glass that it sparkles.  Or like how the buses went by so that I could feel the exhaust on my face. 

But really I was deep inside my head.  Just kind of thinking, reflecting about why things happen the way they do.

Maybe I'm growing up.

Or maybe I'm just depressed.

Love,
Lindsay

You know what I hate?  I hate it when I am lied to.  Because I was acting like a total idiot in front of Chris when it didn't even matter.  He didn't like me anyway, so why did he bother?

Why did I bother?

I can't stand myself.  There's too much material to work with.  I can be really quiet, really i can, but no one wants me to.
It bothers them when I am quiet.

Am I really such an idiot-tard that I have to talk as a norm?

Also, I don't get angry.  At school, I play the "victim" card, where basically I just am sad and everyone comes to "poor Lindsay's" rescue.

Or I can be a "therapist" for everyone.  Stressful but i don't know what I would do without it.

More importantly, i don't know what they would do without my help.

It's so weird. 

I'm at the center of my own universe, but I stand there alone.  Everyone is there, but no one is really.

I...am....really alone....

Kind of depressing.

-Lindsay

To my ultra-dedicated readers, which means me, hear this:

i hate everything, but not everyone.

Love, Hate
Lindsay

      Why does everybody flock to the stupid bulletins that say things like, "Your crush will realize they love you at midnight," "You true love will kiss you tomorrw at five o'clock,"

      or, "if you don't effin post this a naked ninja wearing a purple polka dotted apron around his neck will steal your pet beagle fluffy and skin him in your closet and then rape your mind by pulling off his thumb"

?????

      None of those bulletins have ever worked for me! Ask Courtney! She can attest to the number of bulletins I have posted that promised me that I would forever have the love of my life in my arms by reposting a list of people who type with their elbows!

GAAH!!

! Its the dumbest thing I ever heard of! Why would anyone besides me do this? I mean, the others SURLEY have a CHANCE with the one they like! So why do they post these stupid bulletins telling me that my mom is going to get hit by a car if I don't make sure everyone knows my personal secrets?

I want to go to my room and dig into the ten pounds of candy I bought.   And then I will pray for the stupid cows whose only accomplishments are to tell everyone how cool it is to tell others about the Grim Reaper.

Love,
Lindsay

Well, we got the first performance of 'The Mad Adventures of Mr. Toad' out of the way.  1 down, 3 to go.  I had so much fun with this.

When I got there at 11:00, we pretty much had a dress rehearsel,  and I was very disheartened to know that I had to wear a party dress to sing 'Yesterday.'

I found one, and it is a short little number in a bright pink with silvery glitter heels that make my legs look really nice.

So then I went backstage all by myself and listened to the crowd.  It was the most glorious sound I ever heard, all these parents chattering, children laughing, and babies screaming bloody murder.

Music to my ears!

So then I go on to sing in the pre-show, and the only thing I notice is not to sing directly into my lapel mike and to do something with my amrs, for heavens' sake! 
Everyone said I looked perfect, and I knew I was pretty nice-looking because you could not pull me away from the mirror while I was in that dress.  It was great.


So then I have to run backstage and get my costume on, and get about half-make-up.

The opening number was fine, but we sped up a bit too much at first.

When the weasel number came on, they played scene-changing music.  Unfortunately, it was the same as our music-cue, so we were belting.    Then they started our song over again, and we redid it.  Jack tried to keep going, but I told him in my beautiful British accent to shut up.

We ate pizza in the green room during our off-set times, and when we forgot one of the judges benches I had a field mouse on my lap.

In this little hall thing, Kainin and I were touching a black-light and burning our fingers and trying not to laugh out loud.  It was funny, and then he showed me how to do "the Walk"

It was totally great.

You need to come!

Love,
Weasel #1